About going from this world

Almost a month ago, one of my close friend left this world forever. I still couldn’t believe it. I can remember clearly how her voices filled my brain, my ears. The way she talks, she had beautiful voices. She’s one of my first close friends in my first workplace. We had spent many lunch together, and of course with deep conversations in between. I might not see her that much lately, since she moved to the branch office. However, about 4 months ago we were updating our own life and telling each other dreams. I didn’t have any idea that it will be our last conversation.

About friends who left too soon, she’s not the first. I had a college friend who left this world too early too. Everyone will die for sure, but the time is actually a secret. No one really knows the exact time of it. I may say that they’ve gone too soon, but for God, maybe it was the best time. Although it’s not my first time to experiencing a loss. But as I grow old, such news are like reminders for me. What have I done for me? Am I ready? How are the others continuing this life after I’m gone? Many more questions popped in my mind everytime I heard that kind of sad news.

My life has been pretty rough these days. Maybe because I have been spoiled by too much easiness along my way. Maybe God wants me to be more mature. I can say that I am not strong enough. I still have my 5 year old soul inside my body. I easily cried, I easily get hurt, I easily get angry. I try so hard to not showing them to other people besides my family, or my closest circles. But sometimes, I am tired, and I just want to break this wall inside my brain and scream as loud as I need. I just want to live by the beach, be kind to other people, not wanting any material things, not having obsession towards high position, power or money. Just living my life to enjoy the time and the scenery that God has created for us. However, my path is not that easy now. Therefore, I sometime wondering about going from this world forever.

Nevertheless, I know that I am not ready. I am not ready to leave just yet. So I pray to God to forgive me for having the idea of going from this world voluntarily. However, we have to be ready anytime. Because we can’t appeal for additional time, right? In the end, I just want to be the person who inspire others to do the kind things towards other people, and who always be ready, whenever God will have to call me back to His place.

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