I think I’m messed up. I am a fool who always have the dream. But I don’t dare to dream. I am not tough, I am so vulnerable. I am really, really sensitive. I thought I had this superpower to sense a true motive of a person. However, I am not always right. To sum up, I am so ordinary. I am just a girl who thinks differently from others.
Sometimes I don’t have any idea of what I wanna do in life. The other times, I feel like I’ve burned my spirit so high to initiate something or to be where I thought I am belonged to. It’s not easy. It’s never easy, and I am so afraid of being alone. Unfortunately, being alone is a destiny of people like me. People who have unusual thoughts running back and forth in their mind.
Sometimes I feel like I am an alien. Being different from your surroundings could drain your energy too much. Because you put extra effort to fit in. You put extra effort to be comfortable with yourself and your surroundings. You will have the periods of wanting to get lost. You will have the periods of really really sick with your environment and even with yourself. You will have the periods of thinking who you really are, what do you want, what are you gonna do, and how to do that. And you face a dead end.
I thought I can finally throw my dreams into the trash bin. Forget them and start another dreams. However, I guess they right. They said, no matter how you think you over with something, if it’s meant to be then it will somehow find its way back to you. Like my dreams now. I know I said to myself. I know I convinced myself, that it was a game over for me. I have to move on. But you know.. It’s like when we used to play video games.. When it’s game over, doesn’t mean you can’t restart and play again, right?
So here I am. Really really really afraid. Because I am about to digging the graves where my dreams are already buried. I know I’m messed up. I know I am a fool. But this is who I am. Maybe I will face another failure. Maybe I will face another game over. However, my game over actually not really that over. How about yours?