Sayup-sayup

Aku sendirian.

Ditengah hiruk pikuk kebencian.

Ditengah lolongan amarah dan kedengkian.

Tak kudapati wajah-wajah bersinar yang dulu menghiasi taman kalbu.

Inikah rasanya berada di tengah peperangan.

Sesuatu yang hanya pernah kubayangkan kini nyata terjadi.

Katanya semua ini sudah tertulis.

Tangisan. Letupan. Hinaan.
Aku bisa apa?
Aku sendirian.

Lalu sayup-sayup kudengar dalam hati. Bukan. Itu bukan suaraku.

Meneriakkan kata “Cukup!”

Merindukan rasa kasih sayang.

Menghamba pada iba.

Telah kuletakkan sebelah kakiku di tiang penyangga abu.

Kutarik lagi asaku yang telah kucelupkan dalam danau kebinasaan.

Tidak. Aku tidak sendirian. Ada mereka.

Sayup-sayup yang bergemetaran.

Sayup-sayup yang ingin merangkul kembali kehidupan.

Sayup-sayup yang menata puing-puing kebersamaan yang telah luluh lantak.

Kulihat bulan purnama seolah tersenyum padaku.

Tak kupahami apa artinya.

Tapi aku percaya, aku harus menemukan sayup-sayup itu satu demi satu.

Do It Today

Have you ever feel afraid to do what you actually wanted to do? Think you will do it later, maybe if you have the chance, if you have the time, when somehow universe accidentally made you finally do it? Well, let’s go through these thoughts once again together. Because I assume, it might change the way you see yourself.

I failed in many things. Most of us did. We’re exposed to the pattern of ideal life since we’re kids. From school, we have to study to get a good grade, to pass the test, to graduate. Then, we shall get a good job, a prestigious one if we can. Followed by a master degree. Or marriage and not to forget having the cute little kids. A perfect life as we might see. But how many of you successfully doing all of them without any failures? How many of you feel that following those pattern is easy peasy and effortlessly? You’re the ones who raised your hand must be grateful, because you’re lucky. Not everyone could follow these pattern easily. There are times when we have to face the failure, and we’d stop trying. I see that moment as the intersection of life stairs. The situation in where we are seeing the stairs to the upper level or down to the lower level.

 

The lower level is like the past time. We are familiar with those. We know what we have to do, who are our supporters, who are the ones we should keep the distance to. The upper level is the mystery. The future. We don’t know what we’ll get, whether happiness or sadness. Will we success or will we have to face the failure again. The intersection of stairs is when we are in the process of making a decision. Will we go down or up? However, realized or not, we sometimes delay this moment longer than it should have been.

Sometimes, after many failures, or it can be because of just one failure (the ultimate that really breaks your heart). We are afraid of taking the stairs up. We are afraid of the future. We think we’re not ready. We save it for later. Save the best for the last, like people said. But hey.. Do you think you can control your time of being here in this world? Nope. I think we don’t. We can’t change what happened yesterday, and we can not sure about tomorrow. What we can control is today. The present. This is the only time that you got. Today.

Ever heard a story of a woman who save her prettiest scarf to wear it on her most special day but in the end, her husband say that she didn’t wear it at all until the day she died? Unconsciously, we’re thinking that we can delay things. We’re so confident that we have all the time so we save it for later. Well, we’re not. Actually, we live in very the limited time. So let’s together we embrace ourselves. Start the baby step to do what you want and make the decision. Today.